First off I want to appologise for not blogging lately. I've sorta been down in the dumps, discouraged,unmotivated, etc. Today is probably the worst of it actually *I hope at least*. Life has got me down today, but in an attempt to lay everything out and get over it, I'm going to blog about it.
I have not lost a single pound from my P90X workouts. Well...I had lost 2, but gained them right back so I just don't count that. For the past three weeks I've been working out an hour or more each day. And not just ANY workout either. If you've ever seen the P90X workouts, you know they aren't even close to easy. For that kind of work I would have expected to see a weight loss rate of 1-2 pounds per week! I was hoping to be down 3-6 pounds already...but no. I'm still hovering between 135 and 137. Ughhh! It is so frustrating!!!!! I have noticed a difference in my strength and flexibility-which is great. I can feel my abs like I've never felt them before which is awesome...they're just hiding under this layer of fat that won't go anywhere :-/ So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to read this post about working out at home and this post about motivation by Danielle at Sometimes Sweet, because I found them both to be very motivating posts the first time I read them, and I know that they will motivate me now. I'm also going to try and eat even better than I have been. I felt like I had made some great changes to my diet...and I have...but apparently not enough. I've really got to plan all my meals and take make my lunch everyday I go to work. I get paid Tuesday so I think I'll buy the stuff to make a few healthy homemade soups. I'll cook them up and freeze them in freezer bags. That way I can just thaw them and heat them over the stove for dinner. I think my last meal of the day has been the one I make some bad choices on. Breakfast, Lunch, and Snacks are the ones I do best.
I want to go back to school. The only problem is that I can't afford to right now. Financial aid you say? Well, I completed the FAFSA application, and my EFC score was over 5,000! Soooo that means that the government expects me to pay that much out of pocket each year. That number is based on what money I made in 2010. Well once I start school I'm not going to be making that kind of money, because I will be working less and focusing on my schoolwork (If I get to go to school that is). I'm not going to be able to afford that, plus rent, bills, groceries, fuel, (and a car payment if the one I have now *which will be paid off next week* just dies on me...which will probably happen). I could very well take out a student loan which is a bummer, but I'm certainly okay with it. BUT I haven't finished paying off my student loan from my Associates Degree. I can't get another student loan until this one is paid off. I'm not sure I can have it paid off by the Spring semester which is when I was hoping I could start. So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to try my best to pay off my current loan as quickly as I can. If I'm able to pay it off before the Spring 2012 semester starts then that's great and I'll do a happy dance. If I don't have it paid off until then, I'll just keep paying it until it's done...and I'll do the happy dance then. All I can do is my best and I'll go back to school when I can. I'm also going to read another post by Danielle of Sometimes Sweet which is about her English Teaching Career Journey...which happens to be the same career I'm wanting to go back to school for.
I'm in a blogging slump at the moment. I don't feel confident at all right now in my blog content. I feel like I want to do a complete makeover on that aspect of my blog, so I'm just spending this time to brainstorm ideas. I don't feel like I write enough for myself, and that's exactly what I want to do. I don't want to have a schedule where I do certain posts on certain days. If it works out that way that's great, but I don't want to further stress myself by making blog deadlines. Please forgive my absence if I don't blog every day. I'm not giving up, I'm still here, and I'm working on improving the quality of this part of my life.
Surprisingly, I've been on top of what seems to be a super creative mountain lately. I have so many ideas and want to add so much to my shop, but funds are lacking and I can't do anything about it. I have some great stuff in my bead/cabochon stash, but I'm in need of more chain, ring bases, and a whole lot more beads/cabochons. I'm also out of E-600 glue and I most definitely need that. As soon as I have some extra cash to go towards making more jewelry, I'm going to go into a jewelry making frenzy :)
And finally (boys if you're reading this you may want to just throw on your invisible ear muffs) to top off all of the negative things I've been dwellingon, I'm PMSing and it's probably making me throw all of this stuff out of proportion.
Writing all of this out though has actually made me feel a bit better. I'm not on the verge of tears anymore. Instead, I feel like I've accomplished something. I've built my bridge and I just got over it.
My dad and his girlfriend hosted a cookout for my dads parents, my sisters, and me on Saturday and she has a beautiful fresh water aquarium. This is one of the pretty Cichlids. He was being very cooperative :) Cute huh?